Batman and Robin
So far i have only gotten 6 comments on my four reviews for Arnold movies. I have received zero comments on my last review of the Arnold classic, The End of Days. Now, i am not complaining. I like Arnold films and I enjoy doing the reviews, but I wonder if anyone would notice if i didn’t do a review of Batman and Robin, because i am not looking forward to it. I have only seen this movie once, but remember it being incredibly horrifying. It has been 13 years since it was released in theaters, so i decided, in the interest of the blog, to check it out again. Unfortunately, when i looked for a clip to post at the end of the blog, i came across THIS and it made me not want to watch the Batman and Robin ever again. I really like Arnold and he entertains me to not extent, but this movie is just so horrible. Between the bad puns, the horrible direction and the obnoxious production design, i just want to punch my computer in the face!
Since i don’t own this movie, i’ve decided to see if it was available on Netflix instant view. Unfortunately it is only available by disc. I only get one disc at a time and there is no way in hell i am going to wait for this movie, when i already have other real movies that i want to see. So, how am i supposed to review a movie i haven’t seen in 13 years? Easy, i do it by memory.
So Batman and Robin begins with the title characters air surfing into Mr. Freeze’s lair. I am not sure who is flying the helicopter or blimp, but the CGI looks so bad that i am already hating this movie. So they do some sort of Fred Flintstone dinosaur tail slide. I guess Mr. Freeze is in a museum or something. So they fight Mr. Freeze and you realize that this Batman is not Val Kilmer, but that one guy from ER and From Dusk Til Dawn. That dude that played Robin is back to play Robin and he acts just as shitty as ever.
In the movie, Mr. Freeze teams up with Poison Ivy and Bane, while Batman and Robin team up with Batgirl. So you have 4 character origins to weed through and leave room to tell a story. Ah fuck it, who needs a story? So Batman and Robin go and fight these bad guys and there is a really bad shot of Robin that is played in reverse and then looped. There is a scene where the heroes from “regular” Batman and Robin costumes to their super awesome “Raiders’ Nation” costumes. I am not sure why they change their clothes, but it probably has something to do with toy sales. During the scene where they are suiting up, there is a shot of Batgirl’s ass, Robin’s nipples and Batman’s dong. So I think the plot of this movie is that Mr. Freeze wants to freeze the whole world and Poison Ivy wants to fuck Batman. I have no idea what else happens in this movie, but i think Robin is jealous and wants to fuck Poison Ivy, so Batman and Robin tag team Poison Ivy, Batgirl watches and Mr. Freeze thaws out.