Two Tiny Thumbs Up…269

Last night, i went over to my sister’s house, much to Ben’s dismay.
I think he was under the impression that we weren’t on a schedule. sorry dude, we
were on a plan as you go basis. i guess i should have let you know that before we let
matt and tony play one level of co-op james bond for two hours, instead of watching
freddy vs. jason, like we told the ratt we were going to do.
anyway, i went to my sister’s house, and took shaolin soccer with me. i figured, fuckit, you never know what kids think of movies, maybe they will enjoy it. Shit, if there is anyone who gives a damn about soccer in the U.S.A., it’s little kids. and from what i hear, they love them some ass kicking as well. besides, this was probably my only chance to watch the americanized version of this
brilliant film.

when i arrived at my sister’s house i just set the dvd on the coffee table, and didn’t say a word. as soon as my sister jumped on the computer, to download some tunes, matt 0 (my first nephew) said he wanted to watch the shit out of some shaolin soccer. he picked up the dvd, and handed it to my sister,and asked if it was okay to watch. she grabbed the dvd, and asked me and matt what it was rated.
almost in unison, we both said pg-13. My nephew matt is under the age of thirteen, don’t ask, i think he is ten. my other nephew steven who would be like seven or something, was also in the room at the time. my sister then grabbed the dvd and inspected the back of the package. sara, my sister, then turned to me and asked,”what kind of thematic elements does this movie have.” i don’t know why i didn’t laugh in her face right then and there,but i kept a straight face, and replied the best way i knew how, that would allow us to watch the movie,”it is rated pg-13 for nonstop kungfu/soccer hilarity”. -actually i never said that- i just told her that it was probably for the fighting, and assured her that it was fighting of a comic nature. she agreed to let us watch the movie.
so we began to watch it.

I let matt know that the movie was dubbed, and that it may look a little funnier than other movies, cause their mouths move different than what they are saying. this is when i realized i underestimate the mind of a child who is probably ten years old. matt replied, is it like kung-pow? i said yes, and he said, okay.

as soon as the movie started, i knew it was going to be a little bit of time, when the actual soccer kicked in, and the kids would start to be entertained. i forgot how solid the non soccer aspect of the film was. steven, who now put down his gameboy sp, was all like,”fuck yeah,this shit is tight uncle denny!” anyway, he was into it, and so was matt. the best part of the whole thing, was the “smartie pants”ness, of my nephew matt. as soon as the soccer ball was introduced into the film, he comented at the cgi being cgi, fucking kids these days, i swear…cunt. another thing that cracked my shit up, was when “lightweight” (the fat guy) started to fly in the air. matt looked at me and said,”i wonder how many wires it took to make him fly” i turned to him and said,”A Fucking Shit-Ton, bitchfist!”
he was all like,”No diggidy, fucker denny!”.

the biggest laugh in the movie was by far, the climax, and punchline to the film. the infamous naked ass golie shot! i was worried that a.) they would not show the dude’s ass cheeks, like in the trailer, for the american version, and 2.) i hope they don’t show this dude’s ass, and i get in trouble by my sister. well this is how it goes down, THEY SHOW HIS FUCKING ASS! the kids fucking laughed their asses off, matt rewound it, steven told me to pause the part that shows his butt, and my sister watched the whole thing, and just shook her head. it was at this moment, when matt TOLD my sister, she HAD to buy the movie, on tuesday, when it comes out. My sister told matt that I would have to get it for them, i told them i would.

-my review is this-
the american version of shaolin soccer isn’t as bad as i thought it would be.
alot of it is left untouched, except for onscreen signs, that have been changed from chinee, to english, a la special FX. i was definitely pleased that the ass-cheeks were in there, because it is damn fucking funny. Not as bad as i thought at all!!!
besides, there is no way you can top shaolin soccer.

Next week i go to my sister’s to watch another shaolin classic with the boys…
SHAOLIN DOLEMITE!!!!

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About casinoskunk

...is an action film made in 1982 directed by former stuntman Hal Needham.

3 responses to “Two Tiny Thumbs Up…269”

  1. casinoskunk says :

    whistling in the dark, cause you are now in a coffin, cause i killed you fucking anoying bitch.
    There is a track on the kill bill vol. 1 soundtrack entitled, twisted nerve- by the fucking brilliant Bernard Herrman!!! now you all know this music as being the song that “splash” whistles, in the hospital. it is so fucking great, and i love it. i am sick of people whistiling the fucking thing really loud, for no fucking reason. it is always whisled LOUD. as if those whistlers are saying, Hey Listen to this! it is from Kill Bill, like me!!! i am great for knowing a song from kill bill, i’m priceless.FUCK YOU!!!

    • interociter says :

      Re: whistling in the dark, cause you are now in a coffin, cause i killed you fucking anoying bitch.
      Dude, it’s like whistling a hip tune to let people find out how hip you are solely based on your whistling. How could that be bad.
      DO. NOT. WATCH. SHAOLIN. DOLEMITE.
      If you must follow up with another Shaolin title, find American Shaolin, which Tony! and I watched on cable one time in the nineties. That shit was like Shaolin monks on Spring break.
      “No diggidy, fucker denny!” Ahh ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!!!

      • casinoskunk says :

        Re: whistling in the dark, cause you are now in a coffin, cause i killed you fucking anoying bitch.
        it is the whistling equivalent of yelling out loud, HEY HAVE YOU SEEN KILL BILL?!?! I DID, I AM COOL HUH?!?

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